A Very Holy Season
As we get closer to that special holiday, the one Donald Trump and his family celebrate so joyously each year, I’m talking about Christmas, the birth of Jesus the Christ. We know how devout a Christian Donald J. Trump is. If you don’t, just ask any one of his many Christian friends.
Counting the Miracles
Let’s recap some of Trump’s most benevolent, Christ-like actions. As we list them, we will realize that Mother Theresa has nothing on him.
Donald J. Trump is the most loving, compassionate, empathic, and sympathetic King to ever have graced planet Earth; a planet he loves so much that he took the U.S. out of the Paris Agreement process, an international accord adopted by nearly every nation to combat global climate change.
Here are the wondrous actions that Sir Trump has bestowed on the United States of America:
Blessed Be the Ban
During his first term as President, this wonderful human being banned Muslims, from seven countries, from entering this country.
Saving Children, One Cage at a Time
Separated children from their families, and in the most compassionate manner ever, had those lovely little angels tucked safely and securely in cages.
Law, Order, and a White Horse
When the public went amok because of the brutal murder of George Floyd, a Black man, by an obvious racist white policeman, this guardian of safety and security (just like John Wayne in an old Western movie riding in on a white horse to save the day), in a show of strength urged his military forces to stand in a dominate posture and pressed them for harsh responses that single-handedly quashed the Black Lives Matter movement.
Stirring the Faithful
What a wonderful motivational speaker King Trump is. He rallied the people, got them all worked up, engaged them in Stop the Steal, and on his command had them storm the Capitol. It was beautiful. His loyal warriors trashing the sacred halls of democracy as they shouted “Kill Pence,” and menacingly searching for the Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi. Wow, this was must-see TV for millions sitting at home eagerly awaiting the certification of President-elect Joe Biden.
Resurrection and Project 2025
All this happened during Sir Trump’s first term. Unfortunately, despite all attempts at retaking the White House, he was not able to, and Joe Biden was certified President. Thankfully, the populace saw the light, and four years later Sir Trump was re-elected, setting the stage for him to finish blessing this nation with his Project 2025 plan.
Protecting America by Any Means Necessary
As promised, this wonderful empathetic emperor expanded militarized zones on the U.S.–Mexico border to protect America and keep it White. And because of the outrage caused by naysayers, Sir Trump mobilized his National Guard to round up all illegal and undocumented people in various American cities. And then, via Pam Bondi, his United States Attorney General, and Kristi Noem, his United States Secretary of Homeland Security, his orders, as re-imagined by me, were by any means necessary. These ICE agents would tackle, run down, beat up, and do whatever is necessary to round up those undocumented people, even if it meant hurting and/or locking up American citizens that also appear to be undocumented. What a blessing to have such a loyal and compassionate administration doing every and anything to Make America Great Again.
Federal Power, Now With Extra Faith
Sir Trump saw the lawlessness in Washington, D.C., and despite local law enforcement and local leaders stating the opposite, federalized law enforcement. In his infinite wisdom, since he was appointed by Jesus himself, Sir Trump used the Home Rule Act and shifted control of D.C.’s police to federal authority, then deployed federal forces and the National Guard, which led to hundreds of arrests while pardoning 1,600 of the January 6 insurrectionists.
Hunger as a Leadership Tool
Sir Trump ordered his congressional minions not to vote to pass an extension for the Affordable Care Act, i.e., ObamaCare, thus forcing the government to shut down. Because he is such a strong and loving leader, he de-funded the federal food assistance program, also known as SNAP. What a blessing he is, ensuring that millions of Americans go without food as Thanksgiving was fast approaching. Federal employees were forced to continue working without pay, just so that he could demonstrate his strong leadership and keep the government shut.
When the Courts Ruin the Blessing
As fate would have it, the courts intervened and ruined Sir Trump’s plan. He had no choice but to order his minions to release funds so that millions of Americans could have food to feed their children.
Bombs, Pardons, and Grace
To further safeguard the United States, he had his Secretary of State bombard fishing vessels from Venezuela, because these evil narco-terrorists were causing harm to millions of Americans. Then, to show how compassionate he is, he pardoned a convicted drug smuggler. God shined His grace on thee!
Giving Thanks
So as we all sit for our holiday dinners on December 24–25, let us remember to thank Sir Trump for his wonderful compassion, and pray that 2026 is a better year than was 2025.